8/01/2012

Natalie Dee, Private Pinvestigator/T Shirt Experiment

I have a bit of a Love/Hatehatehatehate relationship with Pinterest.  On the one hand, I like to see the stuff people I know post on their boards.  On the other hand, it is a pretty janky piece of crap.  

It's already been totally wrecked by spammy sites that flood the search results with dumb crap.  Theoretically, I should be able to search "Prada" and have a bunch of new Prada stuff pop up, and some people pinning sales, and I should be able to just click around and look at stuff.  Instead, when I search "Prada," the search result is the same picture over and over and over, and the text beneath all the pics is like "Prada Prada Prada Prada Prada."  I'm not clicking any of that.  Half the pics are even that stupid thinspiration stuff and stuff that looks like Etsy projects.  When you accidentally click something like that, it sends you to one of those trap websites, where it is some kind of scam and when you try to leave the page, it pops up some window that is all like ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO LEAVE THIS PAGE AND MISS OUT ON THE MIRACLE ACAI BERRY PROBIOTIC WEIGHT LOSS SOLUTION AND ANAL BLEACH?!?!  Yes, I am sure.



Aside from that, Pinterest is mainly comprised of projects for dumbasses.  Now, I know that some of the projects are legit...  those are usually ambitious projects designed to give you low self esteem because you don't have the attention span for a week long project, or the million dollar house that will make your project look its best when it is leaning up against your $68,000 fresco.  

ANYWAY, dumbass projects, right?  These are the projects where you read about how to do them, and you're all like "That won't work," or "That is an extremely bad idea."  For example, the project where they suggest that you get glow sticks, cut them open, pour the liquid in a jar, and give it to your children.  I've seen that pinned about eighty thousand times.  I think people just pin these because they think it sounds good, and they have no follow through.  They pin it, dust off their hands, and forget about it forever.  

Don't even get me started on the recipes.  It's all fucking cream cheese, people.

ANYWAY, a few months ago, I started seeing this being pinned all over:  

I was intrigued, I admit.  I have a thing for t-shirts.  One of my first jobs as a teenager was doing graphic design for a t-shirt printer, and I still make t-shirts.  I am a sucker for a good t-shirt, and as a result, I have a lot that are too big or too stiff or whatever.  I don't want to get rid of them because I still like them and think that the t-shirt fairy is going to swoop in my window and turn them all into comfy perfection.  I decided to try this shit out!

These are the t-shirts I picked out...  The Nicki Minaj shirt is too big, and kinda scratchy and stiff since it is mega-new.  I got it at a show, and the pickins were slim by time I got to the booth, but I bought a shirt anyway, and now I have this shirt I've worn exactly zero times.  The Funky Ass Records shirt I bought off Kutmasta Kurt a million years ago...whenever it was that Diesel Truckers came out.  I like this shirt enough that I will wear it, but it isn't that comfy.  The Melvins shirt I bought on Ebay even though it is two sizes too big, because I had the same one in the right size that was my favorite shirt ever, and I wore it into the ground.  I was hoping I could doctor this one up and maybe turn it into a Flashdance-looking shirt and be able to wear it.  The Ghostface shirt is just like the Funky Ass one, the size is fine, but it's a little scratchy for me to want to wear it often.  YUP, BORING T-SHIRT HISTORY.

First off, that Pinterest thing says that you should put a half cup of salt in a quart of water.  You are never going to be able soak anything in a quart of water.  So, I have a 2 gallon bucket, so I figured that there is 4 quarts in a gallon, so I had an 8 quart container, which meant I should put 4 cups of salt in there.  That is a lot of fucking salt.  I mixed up the shirt brine, put my shirts in the bucket, then I weighed the shirts down with a glass mixing bowl so they would stay submerged.  Then I put the bucket in the bathtub in the bathroom nobody ever bathes in, and left that fucker for three days.

In the meantime, I thought about whether it was going to work.  I tried to be optimistic, because I wanted it to work.  My girl Kathe pointed out that she thought the shirts were going to rot in the bucket, since your swimsuit will fall apart if you go swimming around in the ocean.  I saw her point, and hoped my shirts wouldn't fall apart, but that also made me more optimistic because maybe the salt in the ocean eats the lycra and stuff in the swimsuits, so it wouldn't be as dramatic with t-shirts.  I don't know.  I was just talking out my ass.

SO!  On day 3, I drained the bucket, washed the shirts, and dried them.  I took them out, and they were exactly the fucking same as when I put them in the fucking bucket.

THE END!!  hahahahaha ahhhhhhhhh.  I have no idea why I thought that Pinterest shit would work.  Lesson:  People can make a graphic out of whatever they want, it doesn't mean that it is legit.  


49 comments:

  1. That Marilyn Monroe graphic though. So accurate. I kinda hate Pinterest, but then again I kinda hate most people. Stay awesome, Natalie.

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  2. Oh gracious, the Pinterest. It's the new Mormon mommy blog. If you aren't pregnant or planning a wedding, they ain't interested in your shit.

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  3. correction: they ain't PINTERESTED in my shit.

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  4. I'm sick of seeing all of the damn recipes and pictures of food I can't eat. Fuck you, low carb diet.

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  5. They had that all kinds of wrong.

    You should soak them in Apple Vinegar for about 9 hours, then wash them in the machine but instead of laundry soap, use salt. I do this with almost all of my t-shirts, works like a charm. (I also sandpaper logos a little before hand just to give them the rough and not so lame "I am brand new" look.)

    Of course I've never been on pinterest once, so I'm not an expert or anything. ;)

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  6. Natalie, have you seen a blog called Pintester? "Fucking up Pinterest pins so you don't have to."

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  7. i have, i thought it was a good idea, but she doesn't seem to follow the instructions from the pins... i think it would be interesting to see them actually fail for real, instead of the ambiguity of "did it fail because the project is terrible, or did it fail from all the substitutions?"

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  8. Me love you long time. Keep up the bitchin' blog, it gives me many happy time.

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  9. That's interesting to read that you have a thing about t-shirts because I SHIT YOU NOT, I have 2 of your comic t-shirts ("I don't care okay?" Cloud and Loafing around Breadloaf) and they are seriously my favorite t-shirts to wear as they are a) very comfy and b) fit me in a nice way.
    Plus, when I wear them, people always stare at my boobs, and that's always nice.

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    1. People stare at my boobs when I wear any of the sharing machine t-shirts, too! Which is only a problem when I wear my English teacher-esque shirts to work as a high school English teacher, and it's creepy 17 year old boys...

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    2. I get lots of compliments on mine, especially Bad Poetry and the one with the egg telling the story about how the chicken came out. The Horse Party tee has inspired a few awkward moments caused by really bad jokes (Is that a trick to get them to the glue factory?). Almost all the compliments are from middle aged ladies in retail. I bet a joke really brightens up their day.

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    3. I don't know anything about making shirts less scratchy or stiff other than just wearing them a lot and waiting for them to wear our naturally, but I did figure out a way to take in T shirts that are too big. Basically you just get a T shirt that fits you and trace it onto the one that's too big, sleeves and all, then cut off the excess fabric and sew it up. It's kinda hard to explain without images, I guess, but it doesn't take 4 cups of salt.

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  10. This entry made me laugh really hard. I think some people get bored and start pinning shit just to see how many suckers will actually do it.

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  12. I might want to be the next Pintester but I can't afford it. Maybe I need a Kickstarter for that...

    I love pinterest for being the place I can obsessively gather all the stupid projects I will never do (which, as you point out, probably don't work.)
    My bookmarks list has never been smaller.

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  13. Can you please make your own Pinterest board with all graphics like this? I need some inane stuff to spam Facebook with and combat the "How many likes can we get for *insert pathetic/sad life circumstance here*?"

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  14. The last time I bought bedsheets, the saleslady told me to wash them with 1/4 cup white vinegar (plus the regular amt detergent) to make them less stiff. I actually like the feel of stiff new sheets, so I haven't tried it, but apple cider vinegar rinses makes my hair soft, so maybe there's something to it. Also, that may have been the longest sentence I have ever written.

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  15. maybe i will make about a million of those graphics... i had to take a moment to myself when i made that one up there, i was cracking my own shit up.

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  16. What about the pin that says if you mix Mountain Dew with baking soda it will glow in the dark? God, people are idiots.

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  17. I had to pin that Marilyn picture! Keep 'em coming!

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  18. Loves it... i never understood pintrest even when it started and now its connected to facebook anyone i know whos planning a wedding i immediately wanna twatpunch

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  19. Also, that Pintester website is kind of infuriating because the lady testing that shit is borderline retarded. Newspaper nails totally work! I do it all the time, works just fine for me(http://www.bleedglitter.com/2012/07/newsprint-nails.html)

    And the frozen yogurt thing works too. It's not the pin's fault that she used a skanky cookie sheet and didn't think to put foil or parchment paper down first!

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  20. yah, you can critique a pin, and be funny or irreverent about it, but you don't really make a solid joke/observation if you don't follow the instructions. it's like drilling a hole in your boat then writing a post about how that shitty boat doesn't work. it was a good idea, i just wish it was more about how dumb pinterest is (which it is), because it's not really scathing if you're left wondering if it would have worked if she did it right.

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  21. When I worked at the GAP a million years ago, before pre-washed jeans were the standard, we would tell customers to soak their unwashed jeans in saltwater to break down the stiffness.

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  22. I use vinegar in place of fabric softener in the rinse cycle of all my loads of wash. Makes da baby clothes soft and fluffy. I read about that on pinterest. But the shit about putting newspapers under the dirt in a garden to "block" the grass... That was shit. I grew grass before I grew vegetables. And I am TOTALLY over seeing so many pictures of skinny models in skimpy bathing suits with a caption "I want this suit" underneath. Really? NO ONE except that model would look like that in that bathing suit. And is that really interesting enough to pin it? nooooo....

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    1. The newspaper thing worked for me. But you need multiple layers, newspapers, compost, manure, etc. Go figure.

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  23. About 50% of the pins I see:

    SUPER GREEN SUPER SAVER SECRET!! PUT VINEGAR ON EVERYTHING TO SOLVE EVERY PROBLEM EVER!! CLEAN EVERYTHING WITH IT! DRINK IT EVERY DAY TO LOSE WEIGHT! KILLS HOUSEHOLD PESTS TOO!!

    Makes me wonder, do these peoples houses smell sour?

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    1. Yes. My mother cleans everything with vinegar, and it cleans the SHIT out of it -- windows look amazing -- but it reeks of vinegar. She surprised me by cleaning my car when I was out one day, and it still smells... But seriously, it does work on everything. MAGICAL ELIXIR!

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    2. Ha, thanks for sating my curiosity. It makes sense that it would be a good multi-use cleaning agent, and I might try using it more often that way (but not on everything!).
      I just wonder about other purported uses, because Pinterest would also have me believe that spraying it around the house keeps ants out, while setting it on the counter will attract fruit flies and trap them. Or that dumping it on weeds in the garden will kill them, but adding some to water in a vase will make fresh cut flowers last longer. ???

      I could try these myself, but again, I don't want my whole house and yard reeking of vinegar because I believe everything I see on Pinterest.

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  24. I signed up for pinterest and i basically now have a bunch of photos pinned under the name "nail art ideas" stuff like cool color combos and color blocks and stamping...and i havent looked at any of that shit for months, ya know since the one day i went nuts pinning things. It gets real old, and it's just the same fuckin pictures. And then i get emails about everyone i know following me? Idk i guess i havent done it enough to fully grasp the coolness of it, but google is easier and at least i can pretend no one knows what im searching there.

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  25. Stumbleupon was better.

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  26. i got that nicki minaj tshirt i love it. everyone tells me im a motherfuckin trip trip

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  27. Thank you! I thought I was the only one who hates the utter clusterf*** that is Pinterest. I tried it for like 30 minutes and then I decided it was too dumb to waste any more time on. And it's true, all the recipes really are cream cheese!

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  28. Ok, so, can I still sit with you guys in the cafeteria if I like Pinterest? Yeah, some of it is total bullshit. Like make your own snack cup by cutting a soda bottle in half and then glueing a zipper on it. I say use a goddamn ziplock bag already you stupid c you next tuesday. And I don't want to make anything out of a Mason jar or a discarded wood pallet either. But I like to pin recipes from Epicurious and furniture and clothes. I have a board for really stupid stuff like a lamp made out of antlers and a footstool that will melt if the temperature rises above 90 degrees. So yeah, I like Pinterest AND Natalie Dee. DON'T TRY TO LABEL ME, MAN.

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    1. A lamp made out of antlers? LOL! I'm sure there is some good stuff on Pinterest, and I've said this to other friends who swear by it, but it's just not my cup of tea. It's probably because I'm horribly OCD and Pinterest just screams clutter every time I have logged into it... which I know is ironic because it's supposed to help you organize. I don't know... :P

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  29. i don't care what anyone likes or doesn't like. i obviously use pinterest enough to write a blog post about all the stuff i see on it. i don't think i have ever made any proclamations of what people are allowed to like. that is basically the complete opposite of any idea i've ever tried to convey. i 100% don't care.

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  30. Oh yeah, the first time I looked at it, I freaked out because it was just too much stuff on the page at one time and my eyes didn't know where to focus and I think I had a seizure and I swore I would never do that again. But I did and now I love it and you please cast that chick from Third Rock From The Sun as me in the Lifetime Movie. We have the same nose.

    I know you don't care, Natalie. I just wanted to do Point/Counterpoint.

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  31. I was so skeptical when I first got pinterest. Many of my "friends" post the stupidest things. I decided to make fun of the worst ones in this blog: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/pinterestfails
    Pinterest is full of DIYs and really stupid things that are common sense. It's just so easy to make fun of the people who re-post the crap.

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  32. OH! We can comment now! ANAL BLEACH?! and you said NO?!

    I abandoned pinterest ages ago. I'm not female enough or something. Weddings and babies do NOTHING for me.

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  33. It always freaks me out how people who aren't pregnant or engaged or even in a relationship at all pin a bunch of baby/wedding stuff. I'm like...uh...I hope if you ever do get a date, he doesn't look at your pins.

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    1. Oh man, I completely agree, especially with the girls who have every aspect of their wedding planned out, except they don't even have a groom yet.

      I saw a girl pin a picture of a really pretty ($3K+) engagement ring, and her caption she put on it was "THIS IS MY DREAM RING!!! For my friends and family who love me, when I meet that special guy who is ready to propose, you will show this to him." ... and I was baffled that that's how some people think loving marriages start out.

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  34. If this sounds really durfy I apologize, but what I do with shirts that are too stiff/new feeling is wash them a bunch before I wear them. It's not really wasteful since I just throw like one shirt in with a load I am already doing. It takes a while but if I wasn't going to be wearing them since they weren't comfortable they were just taking up space anyway.
    I have to admit I abandoned pinterest because I can't figure out how it works.

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  35. I recently saw a "pin" that reminded me of you. it was DIY lotion with just three ingredients: baby lotion, coconut oil and vitamin e oil.
    I thought maybe I should make a recipe for lasagna on Pintrest

    Step 1= Buy frozen lasagna
    Step 2= Sprinkle on parmesan cheese
    Step3= You're a fucking chef!
    DONE!

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    1. call it marc jacobs marc jacobs marc marc jacobs lasagna so everyone will see that tasty shit. You will win one million pins. Or something. I honestly have no idea how Pinterest works.

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    2. I like the idea of winning pins, I see your comment, I raise you one pin.

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  36. Bitches love cream cheese.

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  37. I just found this blog called Pinstrosity, apparently it's for those previously mentioned idiotic pins with impossible craft projects, etc.

    http://pinstrosity.blogspot.com/

    Thanks!

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  38. I had the same thought about the glow sticks after my sister pinned it. They need a "Neat Idea, But Toxic" category.

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