Magic Isn't Real.
It's finally starting to cool down a little bit in Good Ol' Ohio, and my skin is already starting to get a little dry, like it usually does when it gets cooler outside.
So, the other day I was looking for some eye cream to use at night, since I usually use a glycolic acid skin cream at night, and you can't really rub that shit on your eyes. That would be Bad News. I was looking for something plain, that was just like heavy moisturizer, that is maybe not totally greasy so it wouldn't melt and get on my glasses when I am trying to read before bed. That's it. That's what I wanted.
I was looking around, trying to find something that was, like, SUPER MOISTURIZING CREAM FOR EYES or SO BLAND YOU CAN GET IT ALL ON YOUR SCLERA AND IT'S NOT EVEN A THING.
But! Eye stuff!! Is a total load of bullshit! All of it! It is the tiniest jars, and the jars claim the most ridiculous, impossible stuff ever. Then they charge out the nose for it.
Can we all band together, and agree to stop believing in magic? People who make skincare products think that we are a bunch of simps, and that we read the massive imaginary bullshit claims on the bottles and are all like, "Well, that sounds good to me. Ring it up!"
I've just been thinking about this shit lately, because I get email from y'alls, like, "This magic thing, is it worth me spending $200 on it? Is it really $200 worth of magic?" Then I look and it is just a bunch of made up words promising to do things that are impossible. Also, I run into that shit, too, and it cheeses me off. Even if it seems like it would be a good moisturizer/toner/whatever, once they start talking magic-talk to me, I just put it down because I don't give my money to people who talk to me like I'm a fucking imbecile.
Here's the thing. Your skin is an organ, right? Like all your other organs, the longer it's hanging around doing it's thing, the more wore out it gets. You can't do anything, aside from getting a transplant, that will give you a younger and perkier heart or lung or intestine, and nothing is going to do that to your skin, either.
Like your other organs, you can't reverse wear and tear, only prevent it. If you eat a bunch of Cinnabon and KFC and sit on the couch all day and have a heart attack, you can't just drink some pomegranate juice and go on a walk and reverse all the damage from the heart attack, right? But you can eat right and take care of yourself, and when you're 65, you are in better shape than other people that are 65. The same with your skin. You can only be nice to it, you can't get sunburns and smoke cigarettes and pop zits, then expect to just use a face wash and have all the sun spots and wrinkles and zit scars go away. The only thing you can do is use sunscreen, exfoliate gently, moisturize, and cross your fingers. Just like with your other body parts, the only way to repair actual damage you've done to your face is to have some kind of medical procedure, like laser resurfacing or a facelift or injectables or something.
Basically, the only fair claims a skincare product can make is that is contains certain moisturizing ingredients and moisturizes your skin, it has SPF and will block UVA/UVB rays, or it will exfoliate, with either some grit, or some chemical exfoliant like glycolic, lactic, or salicylic acids, or something similar (like fruit enzymes like pineapple or something.) That's it. Those are the only things. Period.
There's some acne stuff on the shelf, and it says it's going to make you never break out, and it's going to fade all your old spots. No, it's not. It either has too little active ingredient, so it's not going to do anything, or it's a wash and the active ingredient rinses down the drain immediately, or it has benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid and it irritates the hell out of your face and makes the acne 10x worse and all flakey so your makeup looks fucked up. Besides, you probably have hormonal acne, so you can scorch your face all you want, but that isn't going to do shit about your hormones. If over the counter acne stuff worked, nobody would have acne and we'd all be perfect and beautiful with skin the texture of soft serve ice cream.
You might pick up something, and it will suggest to you that it will take away wrinkles. That isn't going to happen. The top layer of your skin is dead, and protects the juicy stuff underneath. You can't make the dead skin cells do anything at all, aside from swell up a tiny bit with moisturizer (which is just going to make you have nice, pretty wrinkles.) Nothing is going to penetrate the upper layer of your skin and make it do anything aside from what it is made to do-- keep microorganisms out of your body, make hair, and make face grease. Your skin doesn't care what you look like, it is not going to adopt new functions like going into retrograde so it can regenerate the skin of a 20 year old.
When you fuck your skin up, your skin only repairs itself to the point where it can keep the microorganisms out of your juicy parts. That's why you get scars and pits and stuff. If your skin wanted you to be pretty, it would heal up all the way and you would never have a mark after popping a zit, but all it is worried about is that you don't get some kind of freaky infection from brushing up against the wrong phonebooth, sooooo...... yup.
Maybe you will pick up an eye cream and it will make a bunch of claims about getting rid of dark circles... Bullshit. Dark circles are caused by the vascularity of the area under your eye, and by shadows being cast in that area. A cream is not going to change the capillaries under your skin, or change the laws of physics so light behaves in a different way, just on your face.
Let's all band together and start being hardasses about this stuff, yeah? If it is promising to do anything besides taking care of the skin you have, don't believe it. It's not going to happen. There isn't a cream or lotion or facewash in the world that is going to change what you already have. If there were, everybody would be smooth and perfect and beautiful, and nobody would ever visit the plastic surgeon for anything at all. There would be homeless plastic surgeons on the street with signs that said OUT OF WORK, PLEASE HELP!! EVERYONE JUST BOUGHT A TUBE OF CREAM FROM MACY'S, AND NOW NONE OF THEM HAVE ANY WRINKLES OR CELLULITE AND I HAVE NO USEFUL JOB SKILLS.
All you can do is:
1. Keep your skin clean.
4. Use SPF every day.
If you do all that, and you feel like you look wore out, either let it go and just don't worry about it, or go to a doctor and spend the money you would have spent on a million different bullshit creams to have a little bit of maintenance work done. I'm not gonna hate on anyone for that, if it makes them happy. But don't bleed cash because you feel bad about yourself and you think that something in a jar is going to make any kind of noticeable change in how you look. That shit is dumb.
Buy cheap, bland skincare products that take good, healthy care of your face, and spend your money on makeup you like (because a lipstick is always going to do what lipstick does) and just deal with it. We're all gonna die, and we're lucky if we get to be old. If you have something that droops and you hate it, go see someone who went to college to hoist up your droop, and move on. We all wish we still looked perfect and taut and poreless like children, but oh well.