Dear Satan

Sorry, misspelling "Santa" as "Satan" just tickles me.

Last week we talked about what to get for other people, and this week I am gonna talk about what I want, and y'all can talk about what you want.  I get fatigued during the holiday season, shopping for everyone, then I get to the point where I just want to buy stuff for myself and say fuck everybody.  I don't actually do that, though, I just fantasize about it.  Actually, not only do I not buy myself stuff, I don't even really get presents from the people who live in my house.  Everybody's birthday is in October, and mine is at the very end of October, so we usually just get Nona presents so her childhood isn't destroyed, and buy something for the house instead of Drew and me getting something in particular, since we all just got presents a month ago.  Not very fun.  Last year we got a chest freezer.  This year I think we are replacing our chipped up dishes.  Whoop-dee-dooooo!

So, this is my fantasy Christmas list, if I actually got Christmas presents and also was rich haha.

Under-eye Business

I have some skin issues.  I mean, everyone has some kind of skin issue, or something they are not real crazy about that they like to cover up a little bit.

My skin was never that bad when I was younger, but then when I had a kid, my face flipped the fuck out and I turned into the Elephant Man or something.  I was always into doing eye makeup and lipstick, but when my skin got really bad was probably when I started taking make up very seriously.  Not being pregnant for a while and getting my hormones back in line and getting religious about using glycolic acid sorted my acne out, so now I only get a zit every couple months or something, but I have some red marks and scars left over that I use concealer on.  

Oh no! Who Put 'Sad' and 'Guilt' In My Lotion?

Hello, everybody!!!

Sorry I've been scarce!  October is always my craziest, busiest month.  There's my husband's birthday, my birthday, my daughter's birthday, two of my sisters' birthdays, my brother-in-law's birthday, and family always visiting for all the birthdays, and the getting ready for Halloween, and trying to get out and enjoy October since it's the best month in Ohio, weather-wise, and and and...  I can't breathe.  Phew.  Luckily, it's just a month and I will be back to being a depressed, hermit shut-in before you can say Dia de los Muertos.

Anyway, I thought I would take this opportunity to talk to y'all about something y'all super-wanna talk about...

Magic Isn't Real.

It's finally starting to cool down a little bit in Good Ol' Ohio, and my skin is already starting to get a little dry, like it usually does when it gets cooler outside.  

So, the other day I was looking for some eye cream to use at night, since I usually use a glycolic acid skin cream at night, and you can't really rub that shit on your eyes.  That would be Bad News.  I was looking for something plain, that was just like heavy moisturizer, that is maybe not totally greasy so it wouldn't melt and get on my glasses when I am trying to read before bed.  That's it.  That's what I wanted.

Cheap Stuff

I thought I would do a quick post for y'all today, and feature some of my very very favorite CHEAP STUFF FROM THE DRUGSTORE!!!  Here is a video for you to watch!!

CLICK THROUGH TO SEE A LIST OF THE THINGS I'M TALKING ABOUT!!  Maybe you prefer reading, or hate watching me talk.  I got you, baby.  Click click click.

The Pig/Sunscreen

After my last post about the caviar manicure, I had a lot of people saying I should have fed that Ciaté kit to The Pig.  I understand the sentiment, but I decided against it because I couldn't really offer you an alternative to the kit that A) worked and B) costs less.  I will feed mad stuff to The Pig, but I want to kinda be fair about it, maybe?  I don't know, I just didn't feel like it was fair for whatever reason...


ANYWAY, today I am gonna feed something to The Pig, and it's gonna be awesome.

Skin Stuff/THE PIG

I had a kid a few years ago, and it was basically the worst pregnancy ever, and I was in the hospital for weeks and almost died.  Obviously, I am gonna be a one-kid kinda lady, since the odds are that the same thing would happen again, and I'm not a fucking dumbass.  You know, the organ failure and potential blindness and the edema so bad it felt like I was wearing a snowsuit and DEATH just convinced me it's probably not a good idea.

The worst part of being pregnant, though, aside from all the near death, was that it completely destroyed my skin.  When I first got pregnant, I read all kinds of ladies being like OHHHHH IT IS SO GREAT MY SKIN IS WONDERFUL AND IT JUST GLOOOOOOWS!  My skin shit the bed.  Before I had a kid, my skin was awesome.  No pores, no marks, it looked like vanilla ice cream.  No problems at all.  When I got pregnant, I got the worst, painful, deforming cystic acne.  Oh my lord, just thinking about it is bugging me out.  It was terrible.  RED!  BUMPY!  Not like acne-bumpy, like Sloth-bumpy.  The biggest cysts that would never come to a head, and if they ever did, they'd be full of a half cup of gross zit stuff.  Not trying to be nasty, just trying to paint a picture for y'all.  This was beyond what I had ever seen on myself, of course, but I'd never seen a person out in the wild who had skin as completely fucked up as mine.  I just couldn't deal with it.

Question/Makeup Remover and Nails

Hey, Everyone!  Thanks for checking out my new site!  I've been getting a lot of feedback from y'all, and that is making it a lot easier for me to keep trucking along.  That being said....


Q: As a fellow pale chick, I am having the experience that finding foundation that matches my skin and is not just poorly made, hardly covers anything.  Makeup is a pain in the ass. I would love it if you suggested some brands or general tips for pale skin foundation matching.


A:  Lookit us, back on that Q and A stuff.  Meeeeeemoriessssssss............