Foundation/Contest/Other Stuff

A recurring theme here seems to be that I bear a striking resemblance to a corpse they fish out of the Olentangy, and I seem to attract the attention of other ladies who also have a deathly pallor.  

I don't mind being pale.  In fact, it is pretty intentional.  I tan if I go in the sun without sunscreen, and when I was a kid, I was blonde and toasty-colored.  I stopped sunning myself when I started coloring my hair dark, because I thought it would look weird.  Now I just avoid the sun and use sunscreen because I want to get the most of my face before I start looking like a raisin.  

HELLO PEOPLE/Drugstore Lip Stuff/Gel Strips

I trust y'all had a decent holiday...  Mine was alright.  I tell you what, though, the transition from the laying-on-the-couch-style holiday break and the my-kid-has-no-school-and-is-bored-in-my-face-while-I-am-trying-to-secretly-make-her-dreams-come-true-style is a bit much.  That shit is over the top.

The elephant in the room is obviously the month long hiatus on this blog...  I was set to post in mid-December, but then there was that shooting and it seemed gauche/callous/yucky to post that day about vain stuff, then the holidays popped up with the combo of extreme busy-ness and no school/childcare, and now here we are!  I'm back on the regular weekly/sometimes more often than weekly schedule now, though.  I got some posts planned and some videos, and I am going to have a contest but I need to think more about how I am going to run it, since there aren't any cosmetic company people telling me what to do and how to run it and what the prize is gonna be.  Actually, I already know what the prize is gonna be, cause I already bought it, but I need to plan the contest itself.  If anyone has any great ideas, feel free to share them, otherwise I am just going to pull something out of my ass.

SO!  I'm just gonna do a quick-n-dirty post about STUFF!!

SOOOOOOOO...

I've been laying low on here for a minute since I've been working on a new project.  Maybe you've seen it already the couple times I've linked it from Facebook, but I haven't linked it officially on any of my real-life websites.  BUT HERE WE ARE!!

Under-eye Business

I have some skin issues.  I mean, everyone has some kind of skin issue, or something they are not real crazy about that they like to cover up a little bit.

My skin was never that bad when I was younger, but then when I had a kid, my face flipped the fuck out and I turned into the Elephant Man or something.  I was always into doing eye makeup and lipstick, but when my skin got really bad was probably when I started taking make up very seriously.  Not being pregnant for a while and getting my hormones back in line and getting religious about using glycolic acid sorted my acne out, so now I only get a zit every couple months or something, but I have some red marks and scars left over that I use concealer on.  

Beauty Boxes or: That Time I Got Free Stuff

I've been hearing scuttlebutt about all these monthly subscription beauty sample things that have been popping up lately, and I've got a lot of emails from people asking what the deal is/are they worth it/is the stuff good/blah blah blah...

The thing is, I am cheap.  I don't really like spending money on stuff I don't 1000% want. I've heard that a lot of the box subscription things, like Birchbox or Glossybox or whatever, sometimes send crap like designer bandaids and hair ties and stuff that is not exciting, not makeup, and seems like filler.  Also, I've heard shipping is slow... basically, all I've heard is people complaining, and I just didn't want to spend my money on something I heard was sucky, when I could save my money, or spend it on something awesome that I want.

Then, I got an email offering me free stuff.

Oh no! Who Put 'Sad' and 'Guilt' In My Lotion?

Hello, everybody!!!

Sorry I've been scarce!  October is always my craziest, busiest month.  There's my husband's birthday, my birthday, my daughter's birthday, two of my sisters' birthdays, my brother-in-law's birthday, and family always visiting for all the birthdays, and the getting ready for Halloween, and trying to get out and enjoy October since it's the best month in Ohio, weather-wise, and and and...  I can't breathe.  Phew.  Luckily, it's just a month and I will be back to being a depressed, hermit shut-in before you can say Dia de los Muertos.

Anyway, I thought I would take this opportunity to talk to y'all about something y'all super-wanna talk about...

My Stash

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Let's Do Eyeliner

HELLO, EVERYBODY!!

It's FRIDAY!  So, TGIF to everyone who has some kind of schedule that means anything!  Yeah!!  

I thought I would post today about eyeliner.  Not about liquid eyeliner or whatever, like people ask for all time time...  I am going to write today about the very very easiest eyeliner method, that has the best payoff for the amount of work you have to put into it.

Let's do some push liner, people.

Cheap Stuff

I thought I would do a quick post for y'all today, and feature some of my very very favorite CHEAP STUFF FROM THE DRUGSTORE!!!  Here is a video for you to watch!!

CLICK THROUGH TO SEE A LIST OF THE THINGS I'M TALKING ABOUT!!  Maybe you prefer reading, or hate watching me talk.  I got you, baby.  Click click click.

WHAT'S UP? CHICKEN BUTT.

I thought I would do a short video blog today.  In this video blog, I mumble about stuff, then talk about my new favorite lip stuff, and show you my new sunglasses.  I made a video to keep things fresh/keep our relationship exciting (making a video on my blog is the equivalent of surprising your boring old boyfriend with a blowjob), and also because I have logorrhea, which resulted in me wrecking my thumb after writing a note to somebody that ended up being a novel.  YOU KNOW HOW I DO!  I CARRY ON ABOUT BULLSHIT UNTIL I PINCH MY THUMB OFF AND I CAN'T FEEL IT FOR DAYS!!!


Here is my video:

Click through for links to the things I am talking about!!  And to read about other stuff!!

Miscellaneous Miscellany

Last night I was doing Nona's hair after I gave her a bath.  Her hair is half wavy/half straight, so I was spraying some texturizer through it, and scrunching it up to get it to look more uniform.  I was using this stuff in particular:

GUESS WHAT?  THIS ACTUALLY IS YOUR MOTHER'S BEACH BABE TEXTURIZING SEA SALT SPRAY.  WHAT NOW?  HUH?  WHAT NOW?!?  Now you look dumb.

I've been getting some emails from cats asking shit, so I'm gonna post about a bunch of different stuff in this post.  I hope you can keep up...

How Much to Plaster On

I got a few emails from people in the last week asking about make up (duh.)  Specifically, they have been asking how much to put on.  Like, when do you stop putting it on?!?

I thought I would take a few pictures of different levels of made-upness, and tell you what I had on, and where I would go if I had that much makeup on!  Let's do this!

LEVEL ONE:  Little to no makeup.  I know, I'm so brave, right?  I'm not going to get into how dumb it is that women get so worked up about showing their faces, when it's totally 100% fine for dudes all the time, but that's neither here nor there, and this is a makeup blog.  This is my regular human face.  The only thing that is making me feel weird about these pics is that I don't have glasses on, it makes me feel like I have little teeny eyes in a big old face like a cartoon character.

WHAT I HAVE ON/WHERE I'M GOING:  When I get done up to this level, I put on some tinted moisturizer or bb cream, and Vaseline or some other kind of lip balm so I don't look dried out.  Here I have Cerave moisturizer, Skin 79 Oriental Gold BB Cream on my problem areas, and some Vaseline on my lips.  This is what I would have on if I was walking to the corner to buy mustard or Arctic Zero or a Diet Coke, or if I was going to get drive thru pho or something.  If I was going to the gym, I wouldn't even do the bb cream, because I get paranoid thinking about tinted stuff going in my pores when I am sweaty.

Question/Makeup Remover and Nails

Hey, Everyone!  Thanks for checking out my new site!  I've been getting a lot of feedback from y'all, and that is making it a lot easier for me to keep trucking along.  That being said....


Q: As a fellow pale chick, I am having the experience that finding foundation that matches my skin and is not just poorly made, hardly covers anything.  Makeup is a pain in the ass. I would love it if you suggested some brands or general tips for pale skin foundation matching.


A:  Lookit us, back on that Q and A stuff.  Meeeeeemoriessssssss............

Red Lipstick/Messed Up Teeth

Look at my crooked teeth!

I actually had braces when I was in middle school/high school.  Being a poor hillbilly, I ran into some issues when it came to the monthly payments.  When the orthodontist put my appointments on hold while they sorted it out, I just went ahead and yanked them off with a little pair of mini pliers.  POP POP POP POP!  That's what it sounded like when I was popping those brackets off.  Up yours, Dr. Walters.  Fix some other sucker's teeth, I like my crooked teeth just fine.

Actually, I like people more if they have messed up teeth.  It's probably just me trying to have positive self-image or something, but I think it makes people look honest or more charming or something.  Rock out with your snaggletooth out, etc etc.

Anyway, for my first really real post here, I thought I would talk about lipstick!  I've received a lot of emails over the years from ladies asking how I do my red, and so I figured I would start by talking about that...