Stuff I Put In Myself: Stinky Pasta

I've been sick for the last couple weeks.  A fun thing they never mention to you before you have kids is that, when you have kids, they get sick all the time.  The important detail they leave out is how they always give the sickness to YOU, then you stay sick forever because you have to take care of them and take them to the doctor and keep running the house and feeding them and all that bullshit, so you never get any time to recuperate.  Last time I got a cold, I was sick for weeks until I got a sinus infection.  The sinus infection moved into my eyeballs and I had green snot sticking my eyelids shut every morning, and I had to pry them open before starting my day.  Nothing that gross happened this time, but I have had a cold for longer than I would have liked.



I thought I would share one of my favorite recipes with y'all today, especially since y'all seemed to dig it when I shared my coffee recipe... When I am sick, I usually just eat takeout pho and extra hot indian food, and all the white rice and stuff that tends to come along with that.  I am finally feeling better, though, so I am going to share this recipe I make pretty often, because I have to get back to cooking and cool it on the takeout.  I'm gonna get myself psyched for it, and show y'all something that is really awesome and versatile, in one fell swoop.

I'll preface this recipe by saying that I like food that is funky and spicy, so if any of the ingredients I list seem over-generous, feel free to scale it back a hair.

STINKY PASTA!!

Ingredients:

• a few servings of whole wheat pasta... I usually make three servings, so me and the old man can both have a serving, and we'll have extra in case someone is feeling piggish.  NOTE:  this is one of the few pasta recipes that is 100% better if you use the whole wheat stuff.  Don't use the plain semolina kind if you can help it.  ALSO!! Try to use a shaped pasta instead of noodles.  Use rigatoni or penne or shells or rotini or something, so there are nooks for the sauce to hang out in.
• 8-10 cloves of garlic.  Yes, that much garlic.  If you're a puss, you don't have to use that much, but I do and it's good as fuck.
• 1 teaspoon of red pepper flakes.  If you're concerned about that much red pepper, you can use 1/2 or 3/4 teaspoon.  If you want to use 1/4 teaspoon, you should just try to find a nice hotdish recipe somewhere to make instead.
• 2-3 tablespoons of olive oil
• salt and pepper
• a hefty pinch of grated parmesan (totally optional, I add it half the time, prob.)

1. Cut the garlic!  We are NOT doing that thing where you squash it with the knife and chop it., that will ruin everything.  Hold the clove in your hands and crack it, then use your nail or a knife to peel it and leave the cloves whole + intact!  Then slice the little stem part off, and cut the garlic into coins, like you're making tiny potato chips.  Look up there, at the pic of the coin I am holding, do it like that.  If you have big cloves, you can cut them in half before you chip 'em.
2. Make the pasta BEFORE you cook the garlic!  Cook it al dente, drain it, leave it chilling in the colander until I tell you to fuck with it.  (I used half penne and half shells in the pics, btw.  I just had a little of both, and I preferred to mix them than use regular spaghetti noodles.)  TIP:  cut the garlic while you are waiting for the water to boil + the pasta to cook.
3. Take the empty pot you made the pasta in (let's not use all the dishes, unless you got a house bitch to do dishes for you.  I don't.  I'm the house bitch...) Put it on the stove, and crank the burner up pretty high.  I do it with the heat cranked to 10, but you might want to turn it medium high until you master the timing, since this is gonna cook FAST.  Glug the olive oil in there, too, and let that get nice and hot.  Olive oil has a low smoke point, but this is going to happen so fast that it's not going to start smoking unless you fuck up.
4. Once the pot + oil are hot, throw that garlic in and try to get it to lay out in a single layer so you don't get raw pieces.  After your garlic is arranged, throw the red pepper flakes in on top.
5. Stand right there next to the stove and watch this shit like a hawk.  Mix the garlic and red pepper around periodically to get it to cook evenly, keep shaking it so it stays evenly spread in the pot.
6. WATCH IT!!  The second the garlic starts looking nicely browned, like the pic in my collage with the stars next to it, pull that shit off the burner ASAP (it will burn really fast if you drag ass) and throw the pasta in to stop the garlic cooking.  Mix it up a little.
7. Salt and pepper it to taste.  Add the parmesan if that's your thing.  Mix it again until it looks good.  Try the pasta.  You will want to die, it is so good, and you won't want to share it with anyone.

OK, so here's the thing, though.  The pasta?  You can switch the pasta with OTHER stuff, and it is just as good.  LIKE GREEN VEGETABLES.  You ever think you should eat more green vegetables, but you think they are boring/yucky or whatever?  Steam some spinach or kale or broccoli or green beans, make the garlic/pepper/olive oil concoction, and throw in the drained vegetable, instead of the pasta.  IT IS SO GOOD.  Spinach is my favorite, I can eat one of those massive double-size tubs of fresh spinach if it is made like this.  Just make sure you drain the vegetables/squeeze the water out of the leafy vegetables before putting it in the pot, so it doesn't splatter so much.  

I am sure you can improvise, even.  Tweak the sauce, brainstorm other things to use instead of pasta or green vegetables...cauliflower or something might be good, too.  The best part about cooking vs. baking is that you can wing it and it's usually alright!  This shit is the jam, I would have it every day, and anything that will slide vegetables down your gullet a little easier is a good tool to have.

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This actually has a second part to it about makeup-blog type stuff, but I took it out and made another post of it because this shit was gonna be LOOOOOOOOONG.  Since this is light on the beauty blog elements, I will dedicate it to all the dudes and bros who have written and told me they like reading this site, even though they are not girls and not interested in fancy grooming.  HERE YOU GO, GUYS!!  You can enjoy this post with no shame, and maybe if you make stinky pasta for a lady, you will get some trim.  High five!!

OH!! And, since I know someone is going to ask about my thumb up there.... I have it done up with a Nail Bliss French Wrap Manicure Kit, in black (I am sure you figured out it was black, but still...)