A while ago, I saw the Ciaté Caviar Manicure linked from somewhere (I can't remember where, sorry.) I was intrigued but put off by the price... I saw it linked on some European site, so the slight priciness of the kit + the cost of international shipping was a bit much.
When I started this blog, one of the first requests I got was from a lady asking that I try it out. I was still a little apprehensive about it, though, because the cost of shipping made it too much for a nail polish.
BUT!! On Mother's Day, I made my family take me to Sephora (it's MY DAY, dammit, we're going browsing!!!) While we were there, I saw they started stocking it, so I picked one up. It was very much an impulse buy. I like doing my nails, but I am not much of a "nail art" person. It seemed fun, though, so I got it thinking it would look weird and gross, but it would be comedic and we'd all LOL our brains out before I took it off.
Last night I was doing Nona's hair after I gave her a bath. Her hair is half wavy/half straight, so I was spraying some texturizer through it, and scrunching it up to get it to look more uniform. I was using this stuff in particular:
GUESS WHAT? THIS ACTUALLY IS YOUR MOTHER'S BEACH BABE TEXTURIZING SEA SALT SPRAY. WHAT NOW? HUH? WHAT NOW?!? Now you look dumb.
I've been getting some emails from cats asking shit, so I'm gonna post about a bunch of different stuff in this post. I hope you can keep up...
One of my first memories as a kid was biting my nails.
No, that's a lie. I don't remember the first time biting my nails. By time I had memories, it was a firmly-entrenched lifestyle. Pro-level, cannibalistic nail biter.
I tried many times to stop. Many, many, many. Until I got to college, none of my attempts lasted longer than a day. When I had my first successful (not actually successful) attempt, my nails were weird and bad. I guess gnawing on my fingers for 17 years damaged my nail beds, and the nails that grew out were THIN. They were so thin, they were like razor blades and I would slice the heck out of myself with them. They were also so soft that they would bend all the way back, then flop right back into place. VERY VERY GROSS. Yuck. Luckily, I went to sleep one night and woke up the next morning to find that I had chewed all of my nails off in my sleep, and put them in a little pile at the corner of my mattress like a complete nutcase.
It is getting warm, people, and you know what that means.... your hot coffee is gonna make you want to die.
I am not much of a coffee person. I don't trip out if I can't have it every day. Cold brewed coffee, though... cold brewed coffee is the dog's balls.
I had a kid a few years ago, and it was basically the worst pregnancy ever, and I was in the hospital for weeks and almost died. Obviously, I am gonna be a one-kid kinda lady, since the odds are that the same thing would happen again, and I'm not a fucking dumbass. You know, the organ failure and potential blindness and the edema so bad it felt like I was wearing a snowsuit and DEATH just convinced me it's probably not a good idea.
The worst part of being pregnant, though, aside from all the near death, was that it completely destroyed my skin. When I first got pregnant, I read all kinds of ladies being like OHHHHH IT IS SO GREAT MY SKIN IS WONDERFUL AND IT JUST GLOOOOOOWS! My skin shit the bed. Before I had a kid, my skin was awesome. No pores, no marks, it looked like vanilla ice cream. No problems at all. When I got pregnant, I got the worst, painful, deforming cystic acne. Oh my lord, just thinking about it is bugging me out. It was terrible. RED! BUMPY! Not like acne-bumpy, like Sloth-bumpy. The biggest cysts that would never come to a head, and if they ever did, they'd be full of a half cup of gross zit stuff. Not trying to be nasty, just trying to paint a picture for y'all. This was beyond what I had ever seen on myself, of course, but I'd never seen a person out in the wild who had skin as completely fucked up as mine. I just couldn't deal with it.