Let's Go Not Shopping!

Have you ever been walking down the stairs, and you slip and fall down a couple steps on your ass?  Then you whack your tailbone in just the right way that you knock the wind out of yourself and you can't breathe?  That's how I feel when I go shopping during the holiday season.  All the people all over the place, ugh.  I can't handle it.  It is doubly distressing because I enjoy going to the mall quite a bit, in an 80s mallrat kind of way.  I like going and chilling out and watching people, it's soothing.  Also, you can take a long walk in the AC.  Anyway, I just don't go to the mall during the holiday shopping season.  I just do all my shopping online, and even put some milage on my soap.com account so I don't even have to fuck around with people to get toilet paper.

SOOOOOOOO...

I've been laying low on here for a minute since I've been working on a new project.  Maybe you've seen it already the couple times I've linked it from Facebook, but I haven't linked it officially on any of my real-life websites.  BUT HERE WE ARE!!

Under-eye Business

I have some skin issues.  I mean, everyone has some kind of skin issue, or something they are not real crazy about that they like to cover up a little bit.

My skin was never that bad when I was younger, but then when I had a kid, my face flipped the fuck out and I turned into the Elephant Man or something.  I was always into doing eye makeup and lipstick, but when my skin got really bad was probably when I started taking make up very seriously.  Not being pregnant for a while and getting my hormones back in line and getting religious about using glycolic acid sorted my acne out, so now I only get a zit every couple months or something, but I have some red marks and scars left over that I use concealer on.  

Welp

I was going to post today about doing a french manicure with navy blue polish and black tips, since navy and black is my favorite color combo, but it didn't go as well as I hoped.  There wasn't enough difference between the two polishes.  Not only could you not tell in the pics I took, but you can't even tell looking up close in real life.

I'm not afraid to admit when shit goes bowl-shaped.  This post was dead in the water, but I can now tell you with authority that Chanel Blue Satin and Rimmel Black Satin are not different enough to do any kind of good combo with.  Learn from my wasted morning!

So, I'm gonna improvise here, and just talk about something else that doesn't require a bunch of set up like doing a special manicure.  

Let's talk about what we smell like!

Beauty Boxes or: That Time I Got Free Stuff

I've been hearing scuttlebutt about all these monthly subscription beauty sample things that have been popping up lately, and I've got a lot of emails from people asking what the deal is/are they worth it/is the stuff good/blah blah blah...

The thing is, I am cheap.  I don't really like spending money on stuff I don't 1000% want. I've heard that a lot of the box subscription things, like Birchbox or Glossybox or whatever, sometimes send crap like designer bandaids and hair ties and stuff that is not exciting, not makeup, and seems like filler.  Also, I've heard shipping is slow... basically, all I've heard is people complaining, and I just didn't want to spend my money on something I heard was sucky, when I could save my money, or spend it on something awesome that I want.

Then, I got an email offering me free stuff.

Oh no! Who Put 'Sad' and 'Guilt' In My Lotion?

Hello, everybody!!!

Sorry I've been scarce!  October is always my craziest, busiest month.  There's my husband's birthday, my birthday, my daughter's birthday, two of my sisters' birthdays, my brother-in-law's birthday, and family always visiting for all the birthdays, and the getting ready for Halloween, and trying to get out and enjoy October since it's the best month in Ohio, weather-wise, and and and...  I can't breathe.  Phew.  Luckily, it's just a month and I will be back to being a depressed, hermit shut-in before you can say Dia de los Muertos.

Anyway, I thought I would take this opportunity to talk to y'all about something y'all super-wanna talk about...

A Love Letter

I'm gonna go off the chain here.

I know that I am pretty skeptical.  I am SUPER good at finding flaws in stuff, and I never believe that any product is going to save the world and make everybody happy forever.  

BUT!  BUT!  Like, what if I found something and, like, completely fell in love?  What then?  Well, I would write a post like this where I spit a bunch of poems and flowers about it.  

BB Creams: They're OK

BB CREAM, RIGHT?

This is the new crud on the scene.  Kinda.  I mean, it's been around for awhile, but the pedestrian makeup brands have recently started cranking them out, and people write me about them all the time.  I mentioned them once before, then wrote a little mini thing about them, but still people wanted me to talk about them, so I thought I would do a post about them today.  

Fix That Nail

My nail issues are well-documented.  I'm basically a recovering cannibal.  I've had a pretty good handle on it for the past couple years, but the million years I spent eating myself resulted in some pretty funky ridges in a couple of my nails.  Most of them are just minor, and polish will cover them.  My ring finger on my left hand, though, was apparently my favorite one to eat, because it has a pretty terrible ridge, and my nail will always break down the ridge.  

Recently, I cut my nails down and grew them back so I could get rid of some of the staining and a couple spots where I picked polish and shit was a little peel-y.  I finally have enough nail to paint, and I noticed that my ridge broke.  Usually, I will just cut my nail and file it down, but this one ripped to the quick, and I wanted to paint them and be glamorous instead of having farmer hands for another week or two.  So, I'm going to show y'all how I fix my broken nails.  It's pretty easy, and it's a good trick to be able to pull out of your hat.

Snacktime

Let's talk about snacks!

Like everybody else on the entire planet, I like to eat food when I am hungry.  Unfortunately,  when you are trying to become more fit (fitten up?  be more fitter??), sometimes it is hard to come up with something to snack on that is good, and also won't totally blow your calories for the day so you have to have miso soup and an old hunk of celery for dinner.

Obviously, the best, healthiest, and lowest calorie option would probably be some vegetables or a piece of fruit or something, but that suuuuuuucks.  You want something a little snackier than that sometimes, right?  So, today I am going to show y'all some of my favorite light snacks!  Then, in the comments (or by email), you can tell me what you like.  I'm not the final word on stuff, I want some low-cal food ideas, too.

My Stash

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Magic Isn't Real.

It's finally starting to cool down a little bit in Good Ol' Ohio, and my skin is already starting to get a little dry, like it usually does when it gets cooler outside.  

So, the other day I was looking for some eye cream to use at night, since I usually use a glycolic acid skin cream at night, and you can't really rub that shit on your eyes.  That would be Bad News.  I was looking for something plain, that was just like heavy moisturizer, that is maybe not totally greasy so it wouldn't melt and get on my glasses when I am trying to read before bed.  That's it.  That's what I wanted.

Let's Do Eyeliner

HELLO, EVERYBODY!!

It's FRIDAY!  So, TGIF to everyone who has some kind of schedule that means anything!  Yeah!!  

I thought I would post today about eyeliner.  Not about liquid eyeliner or whatever, like people ask for all time time...  I am going to write today about the very very easiest eyeliner method, that has the best payoff for the amount of work you have to put into it.

Let's do some push liner, people.

Natalie Dee, Private Pinvestigator/T Shirt Experiment

I have a bit of a Love/Hatehatehatehate relationship with Pinterest.  On the one hand, I like to see the stuff people I know post on their boards.  On the other hand, it is a pretty janky piece of crap.  

It's already been totally wrecked by spammy sites that flood the search results with dumb crap.  Theoretically, I should be able to search "Prada" and have a bunch of new Prada stuff pop up, and some people pinning sales, and I should be able to just click around and look at stuff.  Instead, when I search "Prada," the search result is the same picture over and over and over, and the text beneath all the pics is like "Prada Prada Prada Prada Prada."  I'm not clicking any of that.  Half the pics are even that stupid thinspiration stuff and stuff that looks like Etsy projects.  When you accidentally click something like that, it sends you to one of those trap websites, where it is some kind of scam and when you try to leave the page, it pops up some window that is all like ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO LEAVE THIS PAGE AND MISS OUT ON THE MIRACLE ACAI BERRY PROBIOTIC WEIGHT LOSS SOLUTION AND ANAL BLEACH?!?!  Yes, I am sure.

The Pig/Nail Garbage

So, I have this theory, right?


I think that, when people buy shit that is overpriced or overhyped, they have a tendency to be a little dishonest about how they feel about it.  Or maybe not dishonest, per se, maybe more like ultra-hyperbolic about the couple things that are good, and just ignore the bad stuff.  I think maybe people feel a little bad or guilty or stupid about buying stuff, then they wax poetic about it so they don't feel like they got taken, or at least so other people don't think they go around blowing money on garbage.


Anyway, I hate that shit.  If it sucks, say it sucks.  If you gambled with your money and it didn't work out, then maybe say something about it so maybe someone else won't do the same thing??  I don't know.  All I know is that I have bought my own fair share of stuff that people just go on and on about, and had it suck so bad I wanted to die.


This might be an unpopular post, people, but today I am going to feed Seche Vite and Butter London nail polish to The Pig.  I am gonna feed 'em both, cause they aren't expensive enough to be satisfying Pig posts on their own haha.

Cheap Stuff

I thought I would do a quick post for y'all today, and feature some of my very very favorite CHEAP STUFF FROM THE DRUGSTORE!!!  Here is a video for you to watch!!

CLICK THROUGH TO SEE A LIST OF THE THINGS I'M TALKING ABOUT!!  Maybe you prefer reading, or hate watching me talk.  I got you, baby.  Click click click.

THE EYEBROW POST

OKAY, GUYS!!  I've been promising to do an eyebrow post since y'all started requesting them after my first post on this blog...  I had to grow my eyebrows out, though, so I could have something to show you, and actually give you an eyebrow shaping/grooming post instead of a post about how I take three seconds to rip my stray fuzz out every few days.  Now I am complete ungroomed mess, so TODAY IS THE DAY!!!


I actually almost caved and did my eyebrows over the weekend, because I had a party to go to, but I didn't have time to do a blog post before going to the party, so I just made sure my bangs were down and went with my eyebrows all over the place.  That's commitment!!  That's love!!

Maybe It's Tomorrow, but Maybe It's Not.

I will be the first to admit that I never know what day it is.  Basically, the only difference between my days is that 4 days a week, the sitter comes to take my kid while I work, and 3 days a week, she doesn't.  So, instead of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, I have "Must be a day during the week" and "I guess it's the weekend."  It's simple, but it makes it hard to write checks and remember what day I have to get my yearly pap smear.


This is  my yearly calendar:  "Must be a day during the week," "I guess it's the weekend,"(repeat those two 52 times) and "I better shower cause it's Pap Smear Day."


Anyway, I got caught up in not knowing what the fuck was going on, so I just realized it was Friday and I hadn't blogged yet.  Y'all don't get to bitch about it, though, cause I double blogged last week.


I thought we were due for a MISCELLANEOUS BLOG POST OF VARIOUS TOPICS, DICTATED BY EMAILS I GEEEEEEETTTTTTTT........

WHAT'S UP? CHICKEN BUTT.

I thought I would do a short video blog today.  In this video blog, I mumble about stuff, then talk about my new favorite lip stuff, and show you my new sunglasses.  I made a video to keep things fresh/keep our relationship exciting (making a video on my blog is the equivalent of surprising your boring old boyfriend with a blowjob), and also because I have logorrhea, which resulted in me wrecking my thumb after writing a note to somebody that ended up being a novel.  YOU KNOW HOW I DO!  I CARRY ON ABOUT BULLSHIT UNTIL I PINCH MY THUMB OFF AND I CAN'T FEEL IT FOR DAYS!!!


Here is my video:

Click through for links to the things I am talking about!!  And to read about other stuff!!

Washin' Hair + Keeping It Washed

I thought I would write about haircare today.  I don't mean to keep mentioning that I am writing stuff because I got requests for posts about certain topics, but sometimes that's why, and so I mention it haha.  I LIVE TO SERVE!  LET'S TALK ABOUT WASHING OUR HAIR!!